VACATIONING WITH KIDS? HERE'S HOW TO SURVIVE CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va., June 18 -- Planning a family vacation and wondering how to survive a long trip with your children? Take a deep breath, relax and absorb these tips offered by Peter L. Sheras, a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia. His expert advice is in "I Will Survive: The Ultimate Guide to Getting Through a Driving Vacation" in U.S. News & World Report's 1997 Great Vacation Drives travel guide. Sheras, whose interests include working with families and couples, offers suggestions on how to maintain a healthy state of mind during family vacations. His hints are colored with a sense of humor and wisdom gained from traveling with his wife and two children. Gearing Up Involve the children in planning and preparing for the trip. ¥ Discussions about going to the beach can lead to laying out bathing suits and packing beach toys. ¥ Visit the bookstore or library together to choose reading material for the beach. ¥ Allow children to plan part of the trip by designing a day's activity, such as renting wave runners or going shopping. "If your children are less than enthusiastic about the trip, ask what they'd rather be doing. Try to incorporate their responses in trip planning," says Sheras, an associate professor in U.Va.'s Curry School of Education. ¥ Teens often say they'd rather be with their friends, so try to bring one along. ¥ Do a little 'PR' for your destination. Showing your kids pictures of the place and describing things to do there can capture their interest and get them excited about the trip. Talk to your children about their traveling fears, and let them know you'll do your best to protect them. ¥ "Tell children afraid of plane crashes that you've requested seats in the safest part of the plane to make them feel more secure," Sheras advises. ¥ Help your child plan how he's going to deal with his worry on the trip. Don't ignore children's fears, but don't dwell on them either. If you continually ask a child afraid of becoming seasick, "Are you going to be sick?," odds are good that he will be. ¥ Include remedies like motion sickness medicine or "magical placebos" like ginger-ale for stomach aches. ¥ If all else fails and they do get sick, be prepared: bring a change of clothes for them and yourself as well. On the Road Again To deal with the inevitable questions of "How much further?" and "Are we there yet?," Sheras suggests responding by joking. Count how many times the questions are asked or tease your kids by asking them first. ¥ Encourage children to determine answers to the distance questions by looking for signs, studying maps and making calculations. Facilitate friendly relations among siblings by keeping them apart as much as possible. ¥ It's natural for them to argue over "territory," Sheras says. Rotate their places at regularly timed stops so each child gets a turn in the seat of choice. ¥ "Depending on children's moods, rewarding them for refraining from fighting can be effective. But other times, they might be just as happy to fight so that the sibling loses the reward," says Sheras. Be prepared to meet demands that your children place on you. A family vacation is not a vacation from your kids. ¥ When dealing with frustrations on a vacation, form a supportive team with your spouse. Being able to talk about your resentments without being criticized is essential, Sheras says. ¥ Take turns caring for the kids so "off-duty" parents have time to themselves. Use babysitters or plan activities that your children can do on their own to allow spouses some quality time together. "Don't think that you're going to have a car trip that's going to go smoothly," Sheras warns. "If only 25 percent of the time is fun, you are ahead of the game. That is a higher percentage of fun time than we have in the rest of our lives." The Aftermath On the way home, talk about what everyone enjoyed most on the trip. ¥ Begin planning the next vacation, including the favorite activities mentioned. Incorporate activities that you enjoyed on vacation into your home life. If, for example, a walk on the beach before bedtime was a pleasant vacation ritual, take a nightly walk together in your neighborhood. ¥ Don't try to catch up right away. "Give yourself a little breathing time to be at home without 'grinding it,'" Sheras says. ¥ Your return to home and work will be much calmer if you come back Saturday night, sleep well, have a relaxing morning, and spend a leisurely Sunday unpacking. ### June 17, 1997 FOR MORE INFORMATION, Sheras can be reached at (804) 924-0795 office; (804) 973-3536 home; or e-mail pls@virginia.edu. Television reporters should call our TV News Office at (804) 924-7550.xs